Today is November 10, 2013. Today I turn 29 years old. I can’t believe I just wrote 29. Wow. Today I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful every day, but today I am especially thankful to be happy, healthy, and surrounded by my beautiful family.
Two years ago in 2011, on my 27th birthday, I was in the darkest and saddest place in my life. My husband and I had recently lost our stillborn son, Max, in August of 2011. We had tried for a few years to get pregnant, and endured a few miscarriages over those years, before finally getting pregnant with Max. We thought we would be bringing him home to live with us, and unfortunately, that wasn’t the way things worked out. When he was first born, it was horribly sad, but as the months dragged on the reality of the situation sank in deeper and deeper. I just remember that birthday, my 27th birthday, being the absolute worst I had ever felt in my life. I felt sad, mad, alone, and lost. Trying to conceive, infertility, and baby loss can truly make you lose yourself. It’s not something I would wish on anyone.
Last year in 2012, when I turned 28, we were so happy. Little J had joined our family. All of the sadness had been somehow worth it once he was born healthy and alive. We were truly thankful and blessed to have him home with us. Yet, in the back of my mind, I knew that we would want to add to our family at some point. It was frightening to think of ever having to get back on the crazy train that is trying to have a baby.
We magically got pregnant again when Little J was only a few months old. In September of this year we welcomed our second son, alive and healthy, just 13.5 months after Little J was born. Our family feels whole and complete. I feel fulfilled. I feel whole. I am not sad or mad. I am tired, exhausted even, and I am thankful.
So, this year, as I turn 29 I am truly thankful. Thankful that I have been able to birth three children in three years, even though one couldn’t stay here with us. I am thankful for being woken up at 4am by a crying, screaming baby. I am thankful for the paint covered kid leaving glitter footprints throughout my house. I am thankful for being pooped on and puked on (maybe?)
I am honored to be the mother of these two beautiful little boys…and so incredibly thankful for the strong, caring, and loving man who held it all together and stayed by my side throughout this interesting life we have built together. For everything, I am simply thankful.